SERENDIPITY: The Empty Space

Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Empty Space

This isn't the normal blog entry. But, it is my day. There is always an empty space in my heart. Most days, now w/ time, I can cover it pretty well. Other days the space feels like a huge hole getting ready to sink the rest of my heart. That lump gets in my throat and it's hard to swallow. It is hard to think of anything else. Death is a sting that you can't explain until it happens. It is a final goodbye, if you have that goodbye, that plays over and over again in your mind. You learn to carry on but it will always be different. Never the same. Other joys come and other pain comes. Nothing will take that empty space away. I do know Christ fills my heart with love. But, it is still left there as a reminder of His control and Sovereignty. His unconditional love and care. It reminds me of complete dependance on Him. Nothing to do with me, all to do with Him. In the dark days it is a reminder that life is short with the ones you love. Make it full of no regrets.

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IF by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same; If you bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, and stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings, and never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew to serve your turn long after they are gone, and so hold on when there is nothing in you except the Will which says to them; "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, If either foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the earth and everything that's in it, and which is more, you'll be a man, my son!

My Dad

our last christmas, little did we know!! we miss you-you are always in our thoughts. We sold his house, it was as if we had to say goodbye again. Nothing but fond memories. Movie night, hide and go seek, fishing, the beach, pool table, weight room, ice cream, bagels, peach diet iced tea, laughing...simply you. Miss you more than you will ever know. It feels as if it was just yesterday, thank God you are "free". "With your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye, go in peace and laugh on Glory's side. And fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus and LIVE....." .